The year was pretty sad for me.

[khrazz]

This is one of the saddest years that I've had to endure in regards to love and relationships. I got my heart ripped off in the summer. And even though it had happened before, this was the hit that finally got me on the ground. I couldn't stand up. 

And the worse part is that I don't see a way out of this endless cycle of torture. I am slowly coming to terms with my curse – women do not want me and there's that. I will forever be alone. Most do not even want a second date with me let alone more. 

And while I understand that the modern woman is sick to the bones, I cannot change the fact that the loneliness and the bleakness got the best of me. 

The best part of the year was finishing the book A Desert in the Sky. Writing it was a rather painful experience in and of itself. I experienced huge liberation when it was done as if I was leaving all those stories behind me. I love how it turned out. I felt satisfied with the final result.

All my love pursuits have been honest and yet resulted in nothing but extended suffering. You can attribute my failure to the possession of an improper mindset. But I don't care. I am tired of constantly "mind-hacking" myself to come up with a new theory that produces more hope. It was about time for me to admit the obvious. Things are not going to end well.

if feel like the coming year (2020) you should make a priority to work on yourself, possibly with a therapist.  Talking to a specialist, might give you the solution to your issues. In my opinion, the only way to escape this vortex of constant failure, is to take  drastic steps of (personal) change . For example, giving yourself a new haircut, buying new clothes are all part of this, but not the end of itself.

One thing is for certain though, if you keep having this mindset, you will have a really hard time meeting women. Nobody wants to hang out with someone who makes them feel bad. The women you meet already have their problems to bear, they dont want yet another problem to deal with. You should learn to play with the emotions and make them feel good/special (in a sincere way) , even if in the end you dont end up hanging out together in the long term. This will give you a huge ego boost.

This has nothing to do with how you look btw. Even if you do not have Brad pitt genetics, you can still make yourself look good AND clean. Sure, some women are shallow and dont bother dating someone "below" their league, but those are fewer than you might thing, and usually have so many personal issues that you dont wanna deal with them anyway. Just like bodybuilding, not everyone has genetics to looking good 24/7, which is why when you ask people to grade your looks, the most probable number you will be given is 7. 7 is the number of "average genetics". Is that bad? No. A 7, can easily become a 9 or even 10, if you are willing to spend some time grooming yourself or getting proper haircuts, coupled with clothes that fit YOUR style, body composition etc.

Hang in there brother. And please take into consideration the first advice i gave you. Go to a therapist. These people are educated to guide you through all these issues.