Finding someone offline

[TruthSeeker]

When dating, you are told to "do what you like to do and women will come". But this means bars and clubs are out of the picture for guys like us, as we enjoy neither drinking, smoking, the music there, nor paying for that. And those are the "hobby activities" there. If it weren't for wanting to find sex and affection there, we would not go. I might like to play party games with friendly and open people like you'd do at a house party but that's not how it works there as far as I've seen.

Here's part of my experience.

Last time I was out, because my siblings invited me to a small party boat, it did not even seem like anyone was there to meet anyone else. I was thinking of this even at the time because it struck me so much. Everyone man or woman was with the people they came there with in almost only unisex groups (the only exception I can recall is my own). The women didn't look like they were either thinking about or open to approaches. When everyone walked ashore I did not see any guys and girls chatting with each other as if they had just met. Men had been standing around on the boat gazing out across the dance floor in between small talking with each other, and they left with each other. Women likewise left with each other. When some women were sitting down by themselves at a table, they seemed completely disinterested in me or their surroundings when I looked at them to gauge whether they cared that I was there so I could make eye contact and maybe talk to them. Just sitting there with a bitch face on and with or without looking into a phone. The only ones who seemed to really get anything out of the event in the end were the organizers you paid to get in.

I speak so much about the tone I perceived there so I make it a clear contrast to what I'm about to say. Once when I was in a bowling alley with my siblings and we were walking out, a group of girls were standing there who I felt had been checking me out through the evening. When we passed by them and I said something that gave away being single, they cast what I thought were desperate gazes at me as if they were one last chance hoping I would talk to them (I found none of them any attractive or I would have). I didn't see a single gaze or pro-social behavior like this at the party boat between anyone, the only interest I ever saw was to me from what I would later find out was a very heavily cosmetically made up single mom.

If bars and clubs really were a place to "meet people", why have I always perceived them to be the least open and relaxed places I could possibly choose to spend an evening in compared to other things I've done or been to?

I don't think humans are evolved to "date" strangers. There are exceptions, but we've almost always found partners through people that were either in our own or our acquaintances' social spheres in some way. I guess maybe if you find a way to enjoy bars and clubs and became a regular at some places.

Pretty common experience. Happens in bars and clubs all the time. 

I have never been a night life person, but my sister sure as hell was in her 20s. She would go out almost every week - sometimes multiple times - to bars, clubs and who knows here. 

She remained single throughout all those years. And not because she didn't meet men, but because she was out with her girlfriends (a pack of bitches); and they were probably (I wasn't there.) rejecting every men who would come their way cause that's what women do.

When women are out in a group, it is really, really hard for a man to cut through as he has to appeal to almost all of them since women put their female friends above men. 

A guy is more likely to push away his friends for a woman; women rarely do that. 

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As a side note:

I don't see anything wrong with meeting strangers because every person that you know today was once a stranger. The problem comes, imo, from the settings where you meet them. 

For example, Tinder or a bar, is full of men. This habitat allows women to develop an abundance mindset devaluing each man. In short, she knows that there's a sea of men willing to be with her and doesn't value you as much unless you are a 1%-er or something.

My mother and father were certainly strangers when they met. But it was in different settings and none of them had developed the abundance mindset. In fact, they were in scarcity mode.