(03-25-2019, 09:28 PM)Hey Ulocutus24 Wrote: Yeah it's hard. It's the best I can do for now. Inside I feel many flaws about myself which I try to hide as best I can. I have been defeated sometimes when faking. I admit that. It sucked and came home angry and even sobbed a little.
It is like a chicken-egg problem. Skills are easier to develop than inner confidence. I think I experience confidence once in a while.
It's hard to say on whether a person is unworthy or flawed. I think I am flawed and might be unworthy to many people, though hopefully not all.
One thing I don't do is accept myself for how I am. I literally hate certain aspects of me and will do whatever is necessary to destroy those parts I hate about myself.
There is no end to me finding ways to better myself. I had a rageful thought on "burning the old me away" and replacing the old with a newer and better human. That might be what prevents me from achieving more consistent confidence. And maybe love or whatever the hell love means. I honestly don't know what that is.
You are who you are nothing change that. Just recognise or Flaws and just work on ourselves they say improvements is forever growing, then you die .