(09-14-2019, 10:29 PM)TruthSeeker Wrote: I never keep the chats and always block them once it's over, but I know what you are talking about.
I've had insomnia for the better part of this summer. I can only sleep if I am extremely physically tired.
How I do it? I don't know. It's certainly not the "pussy" since I am not getting any. You can say that it is the expectation of "pussy", but it's not that either. I just don't want to be alone and keep lying to myself that a magical event will take place, but it won't.
A part of me really wants me to give up, but for some reason, I continue to crash my head against the wall like a natural bodybuilder who's done 50 routines and still thinks that number 51 can make a difference.
I dream of the day when I will stop. Maybe tomorrow?
I don't blame you for continuing, what else is there to do? affection is a need. I believe your body will simply react by itself some time and stop letting you do it anymore when it has had enough, so actually it's nothing you need to think about actively yourself anyway.
Honestly, your writing and discussing it with you is like a catharsis. If you are not an apex man in the mainstream you are just a pitiful loser whose feelings and perspective are either pathetic or irrelevant. At the same time if we were the same persons but our genders were swapped, suddenly both anything we express would be "politically correct" and our sexual issues would likewise solve themselves simply because of a gender swap.
That for me - that our issues are almost only due to our gender, and less personal than we believe - is a sobering fact to keep in mind. Rather than using it as an excuse to not do any selfimprovement and blame anyone but myself, I use it as a means to achieve acceptance and peace in that there is nothing extraordinarily wrong with
me in particular. They would rather tell you there is something repellent about you, something seriously inadequate with you. But if you were transformed into a woman tomorrow with the exact same or even worse traits, your issues would be cured by themselves. I see women all the time who only have completely mundane pictures on their profiles, the kind that are supposed to be death knells for men, yet those women have overflowing inboxes and hundreds or thousands of followers on their instagrams. I myself used to message to try to create conversations with them.
My light at the end of the tunnel is starting university. Did you go there?
