(02-09-2019, 11:12 AM)Hans Wrote: Maybe. I imagine some kind of Hannibal Lector here ... (no pun intended)
Never heard of such a fucked up past. That might look for trouble.
I hope you're just trolling.
A little trolling to be honest. But at the same time a little curious and maybe concerned cause even if I'm not totally sociopathic, I at least have some of the traits of them.
(02-09-2019, 12:22 PM)khrazz Wrote: ok i see. You need to understand that your parents, unfortunately, ruined your starting life with their behavior. I get it, you never actually found love (that is mother love) and since you never had this kind of emotion, you now cant express it . However, dont let your parents foolish behavior guide the rest of your life. By being like this, you are actually reinforcing their past behavior. Just say a big FUCK YOU, maybe multiple times a day, and move on with your life (i know its easier said than done )You're spot on about the parents being fucked up. I know it sounds like the cliche thing you would hear from a subreddit on red pilled male youth who had no permanent father figure and a neglectful or overly feminine mother. Or better yet something from a criminal investigation show like L&O where they determine why man who was abused is killing/raping certain people.
Out of curiosity, does your cousin have any similarity with your mom? I mean, hair,eyes, posture or the way she talks?
Tbh, you may not be "ready" to have a woman in your life yet. You need to solve all these issues first, if you wanna have a healthy relationship with another person. Keep in mind that this anger you feel, can easily become violence. Most of violent sex offenders in history (i am not saying you are one, or that you will become one) had an unhealthy relationship with their mom and most of them had no father figure around. Them becoming violent was a way of survival. Obviously, sex offence was also caused by their desire to "have" a woman with them which would not abandon them. Thats why some of them killed women they raped and then preserved their bodies (i aint going to go into detail here, search on the internet and their names will show up)
I had 3 stepfathers and the last one was an abusive alcoholic. First two weren't as bad. Last guy was around from 13-18 of my life. I at least had the presence of father-like figures some of the time. The last one was normally away from Mon-Fri cause he was a long haul trucker from Washington to S. California. But once he got home on weekends he was angry, drunk, a combo of the two, or just an ego maniac who liked bossing us around. He loved his dog Sammy more than my mom. I know cause when he walked into the living room after returning the first one he rushed to was his dog without saying anything to my mom until later in the evening.
My step mom (aunt who I consider my actual mom) I've forgiven or rather I don't blame her that much for it. We talk each week and don't have any anger problems with one another. In the past I avoided talking to her, but now we stay in contact and she lends me money once in a while to help with expenses for school or Christmas gift money. The abusive guy had a restraining order and left for some other state when I turned 18. He has been gone since then, which is several years. I honestly don't think about him that much.
My mom's hair is dirty blonde, blue eyes, pale skin and same for me. The cousin is/was brunette, hazel eyes, olive/white skin (hard to describe) and pretty looking as a kid and as an adult now (from her FB page). My mom has a very nurturing-like voice and the cousin did to when we were growing up. What is interesting though is a lot of the women I lust after have similarities with how the cousin looked when she was younger. She had a bangs hair cut most of the time, so when I see women with brunette bangs haircut I get lustful and angry at the same time. It's like some automatic reaction. I can't explain why it happens. Heart rate goes up quickly, body tenses, and my mind feels like there is a clenching fist inside it.
My two crimes were assault IV, but not sexual assault. One was a fight with my step brother that got out of hand and I broke his nose and I was not injured and police came after his GF called them. So I went to jail for 18 hours, but was immediately released in less than day and put on bench probation because I was a fresh college student, so I got to use that as my "get out of jail free" card.
My last ex I liked to control, but it was psychological control. I made her dependent on me because she was by nature a lonely person and didn't want to be left alone. I'm sort of similar in regards to that, but being the male and more assertive I was able to take advantage of her loneliness rather than the other way around. I've never committed any sexual assault or rape and don't plan to. Sexual frustration is common for me, but I've learned to live with it.
As far as I'm concerned the probability of finding a woman who I'm attracted to and will love is low. My best guess is 5% probability, very low. I'm not saying it will not happen, but most likely not happen ever. I've been single for 6 years and only had one date in the last year.
So 3 things:
1. Dating game is harsh for men already which includes me.
2. Being single for 6 years and dating very infrequently has lessened my ability to be intimate and communicate with women. It's like social isolation; longer you are away from people the less you have an ability to be attuned with them.
3. I hate a lot of women and mostly just want to have sex with them so I can add them to my trophy list of "women I fucked in my lifetime." Not rape, but just get sex from them. I guess a form of projecting some kind of male alpha status to make up for other holes in my life.
Another dumb male cliche desire that you see everywhere in the manosphere. I'm nothing unique and just another one of those dudes. Perhaps a little more low key since I prefer focusing on personal hobbies like piano and don't believe in any of their theories of game, other than basics like confidence, friendliness, and not being overly nice or overly mean.
(02-09-2019, 04:28 PM)locutus24 Wrote: A little trolling to be honest. But at the same time a little curious and maybe concerned cause even if I'm not totally sociopathic, I at least have some of the traits of them.My biological mom had red hair and hazel eyes and was pale. Hazel eyes is one similarity.
You're spot on about the parents being fucked up. I know it sounds like the cliche thing you would hear from a subreddit on red pilled male youth who had no permanent father figure and a neglectful or overly feminine mother. Or better yet something from a criminal investigation show like L&O where they determine why man who was abused is killing/raping certain people.
I had 3 stepfathers and the last one was an abusive alcoholic. First two weren't as bad. Last guy was around from 13-18 of my life. I at least had the presence of father-like figures some of the time. The last one was normally away from Mon-Fri cause he was a long haul trucker from Washington to S. California. But once he got home on weekends he was angry, drunk, a combo of the two, or just an ego maniac who liked bossing us around. He loved his dog Sammy more than my mom. I know cause when he walked into the living room after returning the first one he rushed to was his dog without saying anything to my mom until later in the evening.
My step mom (aunt who I consider my actual mom) I've forgiven or rather I don't blame her that much for it. We talk each week and don't have any anger problems with one another. In the past I avoided talking to her, but now we stay in contact and she lends me money once in a while to help with expenses for school or Christmas gift money. The abusive guy had a restraining order and left for some other state when I turned 18. He has been gone since then, which is several years. I honestly don't think about him that much.
My mom's hair is dirty blonde, blue eyes, pale skin and same for me. The cousin is/was brunette, hazel eyes, olive/white skin (hard to describe) and pretty looking as a kid and as an adult now (from her FB page). My mom has a very nurturing-like voice and the cousin did to when we were growing up. What is interesting though is a lot of the women I lust after have similarities with how the cousin looked when she was younger. She had a bangs hair cut most of the time, so when I see women with brunette bangs haircut I get lustful and angry at the same time. It's like some automatic reaction. I can't explain why it happens. Heart rate goes up quickly, body tenses, and my mind feels like there is a clenching fist inside it.
My two crimes were assault IV, but not sexual assault. One was a fight with my step brother that got out of hand and I broke his nose and I was not injured and police came after his GF called them. So I went to jail for 18 hours, but was immediately released in less than day and put on bench probation because I was a fresh college student, so I got to use that as my "get out of jail free" card.
My last ex I liked to control, but it was psychological control. I made her dependent on me because she was by nature a lonely person and didn't want to be left alone. I'm sort of similar in regards to that, but being the male and more assertive I was able to take advantage of her loneliness rather than the other way around. I've never committed any sexual assault or rape and don't plan to. Sexual frustration is common for me, but I've learned to live with it.
As far as I'm concerned the probability of finding a woman who I'm attracted to and will love is low. My best guess is 5% probability, very low. I'm not saying it will not happen, but most likely not happen ever. I've been single for 6 years and only had one date in the last year.
So 3 things:
1. Dating game is harsh for men already which includes me.
2. Being single for 6 years and dating very infrequently has lessened my ability to be intimate and communicate with women. It's like social isolation; longer you are away from people the less you have an ability to be attuned with them.
3. I hate a lot of women and mostly just want to have sex with them so I can add them to my trophy list of "women I fucked in my lifetime." Not rape, but just get sex from them. I guess a form of projecting some kind of male alpha status to make up for other holes in my life.
Another dumb male cliche desire that you see everywhere in the manosphere. I'm nothing unique and just another one of those dudes. Perhaps a little more low key since I prefer focusing on personal hobbies like piano and don't believe in any of their theories of game, other than basics like confidence, friendliness, and not being overly nice or overly mean.