NattyOrNot's Board

The statement "I am just finding myself." often finds itself in the mouth of a woman rationalizing things. 

Women use it as a way to explain their actions and soften the impact. 

Translated, the term says the following:

"I have so many options that I don't know what to choose. I am brainwashed to believe that I deserve the best and only the best. I don't know why. I just do. I will do whatever I want. If a form of responsibility or a difficulty comes, I will just try to find myself at another place, hopefully an easier one."

In short, finding myself means playing around without doing anything serious. The process also comes with a good form of pleasure seeking and of course - traveling - women's favorite hobby. 

Before you know it, she hits the late 20s or maybe even early 30s. She is single...maybe she has a dog. Guess, what? She still hasn't found herself. What is she looking for? What does it really mean to find yourself? That's a story for another post. 

What does she do? She fires up a dating app like Tinder and starts looking for herself there.

I met a woman like that. She had turned 30 a few months ago. She had just quit her tedious job. She was also fresh out of a 3-year relationship including cohabitation with a man.

How do I know all of that?

I had a Tinder date with her. She slipped during the conversation and basically told me that she has had sex with two different men in the span of 10-14 days (both from Tinder).

"I have no regrets," she added.

Eventually, I asked her - "what are you plans for the future?" It was a logical question since she seemed at a crossroad - no job, new decade in her life, single...etc. She said - "I need to find myself."

This happened almost 2 years ago. I bet she is still looking.

I guess the reverse feminist answer would be - I am searching for what I should create. Ironically, what they are creating is a monster.

I agree with you about regret. I have regrets because I have done many mistakes, most of them stupid and avoidable, that have led to poor results and performance.

This 'finding myself' stuff comes to an abrupt end when she gets pregnant. Most women get up the duff by thirty.

Men have more freedom there. We aren't changed fundamentally by having kids. As soon as she's pregnant it all changes for her though.

As soon as women have kids their main consideration when dating is how suitable the man is as a father to her kid.

(12-06-2018, 03:21 PM)TruthSeeker Wrote: [ -> ]The statement "I am just finding myself." often finds itself in the mouth of a woman rationalizing things. 

Women use it as a way to explain their actions and soften the impact. 

Translated, the term says the following:

"I have so many options that I don't know what to choose. I am brainwashed to believe that I deserve the best and only the best. I don't know why. I just do. I will do whatever I want. If a form of responsibility or a difficulty comes, I will just try to find myself at another place, hopefully an easier one."

In short, finding myself means playing around without doing anything serious. The process also comes with a good form of pleasure seeking and of course - traveling - women's favorite hobby. 

Before you know it, she hits the late 20s or maybe even early 30s. She is single...maybe she has a dog. Guess, what? She still hasn't found herself. What is she looking for? What does it really mean to find yourself? That's a story for another post. 

What does she do? She fires up a dating app like Tinder and starts looking for herself there.

I met a woman like that. She had turned 30 a few months ago. She had just quit her tedious job. She was also fresh out of a 3-year relationship including cohabitation with a man.

How do I know all of that?

I had a Tinder date with her. She slipped during the conversation and basically told me that she has had sex with two different men in the span of 10-14 days (both from Tinder).

"I have no regrets," she added.

Eventually, I asked her - "what are you plans for the future?" It was a logical question since she seemed at a crossroad - no job, new decade in her life, single...etc. She said - "I need to find myself."

This happened almost 2 years ago. I bet she is still looking.

From the book Sapiens;  The imagined order shapes our desires. Most people do not wish to accept that the order governing their lives is imaginary, but in fact every person is born into a pre-existing imagined order, and his or her desires are shaped from birth by its dominant myths. Our personal desires thereby become the imagined order’s most important defences. For instance, the most cherished desires of present-day Westerners are shaped by romantic, nationalist, capitalist and humanist myths that have been around for centuries. Friends giving advice often tell each other, ‘Follow your heart.’ But the heart is a double agent that usually takes its instructions from the dominant myths of the day, and the very recommendation to ‘Follow your heart’ was implanted in our minds by a combination of nineteenth-century Romantic myths and twentiethcentury consumerist myths. The Coca-Cola Company, for example, has marketed Diet Coke around the world under the slogan, ‘Diet Coke. Do what feels good.’ Even what people take to be their most personal desires are usually programmed by the imagined order. Let’s consider, for example, the popular desire to take a holiday abroad. There is nothing natural or obvious about this. A chimpanzee alpha male would never think of using his power in order to go on holiday into the territory of a neighbouring chimpanzee band. The elite of ancient Egypt spent their fortunes building pyramids and having their corpses mummiɹed, but none of them thought of going shopping in Babylon or taking a skiing holiday in Phoenicia. People today spend a great deal of money on holidays abroad because they are true believers in the myths of romantic consumerism. Romanticism tells us that in order to make the most of our human potential we must have as many diʃerent experiences as we can. We must open ourselves to a wide spectrum of emotions; we must sample various kinds of relationships; we must try diʃerent cuisines; we must learn to appreciate diʃerent styles of music. One of the best ways to do all that is to break free from our daily routine, leave behind our familiar setting, and go travelling in distant lands, where we can ‘experience’ the culture, the smells, the tastes and the norms of other people. We hear again and again the romantic myths about ‘how a new experience opened my eyes and changed my life’. Consumerism tells us that in order to be happy we must consume as many products and services as possible. If we feel that something is missing or not quite right, then we probably need to buy a product (a car, new clothes, organic food) or a service (housekeeping, relationship therapy, yoga classes). Every television commercial is another little legend about how consuming some product or service will make life better. Romanticism, which encourages variety, meshes perfectly with consumerism. Their marriage has given birth to the infinite ‘market of experiences’, on which the modern tourism industry is founded. The tourism industry does not sell ɻight tickets and hotel bedrooms. It sells experiences. Paris is not a city, nor India a country – they are both experiences, the consumption of which is supposed to widen our horizons, fulɹl our human potential, and make us happier. Consequently, when the relationship between a millionaire and his wife is going through a rocky patch, he takes her on an expensive trip to Paris. The trip is not a reɻection of some independent desire, but rather of an ardent belief in the myths of romantic consumerism. A wealthy man in ancient Egypt would never have dreamed of solving a relationship crisis by taking his wife on holiday to Babylon. Instead, he might have built for her the sumptuous tomb she had always wanted.

As a man who has traveled, I dont get all this obsetion with females about traveling. What the fuck does it mean to "find yourself" like the book says, it aint like if you go to Ibiza you are going to find a key that will open the chest of your "true self". I have experienced the same true seeker, when you ask these girls "and how are you gonna find yourself in Ibiza" they got no idea why they do what they do, it justs feels good. I know girls who have got into debt just to find themselves in a beach in Oaxaca. Worst of all, you try to inculcate them some logic about the subject and they get mad, I mean if you are going to find "yourself" why do you have to travel, isnt yourself right here? If you want to find yourself a better idea is to go to a monastery, not to Ibiza or Cancun. havent seen the page in a while, I'll try to read and buy your book before summer ends, you are a very good writer, it seems that you followed Schopenhauer adviced "honra y provecho no caben en un saco" which is what all great writers do.

you don't need to find yourself you need to accept yourself. tbh you just need to find meaning really.

(12-06-2018, 03:21 PM)TruthSeeker Wrote: [ -> ]The statement "I am just finding myself." often finds itself in the mouth of a woman rationalizing things. 

Women use it as a way to explain their actions and soften the impact. 

Translated, the term says the following:

"I have so many options that I don't know what to choose. I am brainwashed to believe that I deserve the best and only the best. I don't know why. I just do. I will do whatever I want. If a form of responsibility or a difficulty comes, I will just try to find myself at another place, hopefully an easier one."

In short, finding myself means playing around without doing anything serious. The process also comes with a good form of pleasure seeking and of course - traveling - women's favorite hobby. 

Before you know it, she hits the late 20s or maybe even early 30s. She is single...maybe she has a dog. Guess, what? She still hasn't found herself. What is she looking for? What does it really mean to find yourself? That's a story for another post. 

What does she do? She fires up a dating app like Tinder and starts looking for herself there.

I met a woman like that. She had turned 30 a few months ago. She had just quit her tedious job. She was also fresh out of a 3-year relationship including cohabitation with a man.

How do I know all of that?

I had a Tinder date with her. She slipped during the conversation and basically told me that she has had sex with two different men in the span of 10-14 days (both from Tinder).

"I have no regrets," she added.

Eventually, I asked her - "what are you plans for the future?" It was a logical question since she seemed at a crossroad - no job, new decade in her life, single...etc. She said - "I need to find myself."

This happened almost 2 years ago. I bet she is still looking.

If she dumps you to "find herself" that means as you correctly said that she is looking for her options. My advice would be to do the same, and not wait for her to return to you. Chances are, if she indeed does return, especially if the break up is sudden, that her other option(s) didnt work out and you are the bottom feeder until she recovers her self esteem and go on a "finding myself" adventure again.


People who say "i need to find myself" usually never truly find themselves. They are just projecting their wish to become something better, not the action . Which is why she is most likely still looking as you said.

People hardly ever blame themselves for their current state of life (if its bad ofc). Its really easy to blame others for your misfortune (my ex was an ass/bitch, my friend was stupid, my family is bad etc) . Finding myself is a code word for saying "i am a low value person, i lost people due to this, and now i need to work my way to new relationships which will feed my ego" . You dont find yourself, you create yourself. Just as you create your future (up to a certain point) and never find your future. You cant "find" your future, so if you cant find your future, why and how on earth would you "find" yourself?

Dont fall for such crap. If you are on a dating app and she says she is finding herself, trend carefully . She is most likely a bitch that screwed herself up, she most likely never worked on herself, never did things of value for herself and now that she is single she feels a deep void because she no longer has something to occupy her mind - hence the reason why she "needs to find herself"

(07-10-2019, 09:13 AM)khrazz Wrote: [ -> ]If she dumps you to "find herself" that means as you correctly said that she is looking for her options. My advice would be to do the same, and not wait for her to return to you. Chances are, if she indeed does return, especially if the break up is sudden, that her other option(s) didnt work out and you are the bottom feeder until she recovers her self esteem and go on a "finding myself" adventure again.


People who say "i need to find myself" usually never truly find themselves. They are just projecting their wish to become something better, not the action . Which is why she is most likely still looking as you said.

People hardly ever blame themselves for their current state of life (if its bad ofc). Its really easy to blame others for your misfortune (my ex was an ass/bitch, my friend was stupid, my family is bad etc) . Finding myself is a code word for saying "i am a low value person, i lost people due to this, and now i need to work my way to new relationships which will feed my ego" . You dont find yourself, you create yourself. Just as you create your future (up to a certain point) and never find your future. You cant "find" your future, so if you cant find your future, why and how on earth would you "find" yourself?

Dont fall for such crap. If you are on a dating app and she says she is finding herself, trend carefully . She is most likely a bitch that screwed herself up, she most likely never worked on herself, never did things of value for herself and now that she is single she feels a deep void because she no longer has something to occupy her mind - hence the reason why she "needs to find herself"

A woman has never returned to me.

By doing so, she is saying that I'd been right. She'd hate that. Besides, women have many options and don't want to admit that they've made a mistake.